The state fair is coming soon, and for those of you who have no idea what I am referring to, it’s a festival held annually in Pueblo, Colorado, where young people ride sketchy carnival rides, young adults go to beer tents and old ladies show off crafts, pies and quilts in order to win a blue ribbon they’ll show off at their next garden party.
Yes, the state fair, a glorious place where everything is deep fried — except the prized pig.
Last year, the 2015 Denver Broncos won the prize. The orange and blue won best in show, best quilt and best pie. They won it all, and they have the gold rings to prove it.
Yes, the Denver Broncos had a winning combination: a defense beyond compare, a HOF quarterback setting off on one last ride, a coach with the cojones to grab victory from the jaws of defeat. It was a great performance, a clean sweep. The Broncos were blue ribbon winners, and they flaunted it. Now what?
This year, the Colorado State Fair will welcome 31 other contestants, all looking for that one Blue Ribbon. This year, though, is not last year, and everyone will be looking to unseat the Broncos. But can they stay on top?
Like a prized cherry pie, its recipe handed down generation to generation, this year’s Broncos appear to be built in the same, trusted fashion.
But while the presentation is the same, something just doesn’t taste quite right. All the ingredients to make a winner are there — the cherry filling (the deep roster) and that golden brown crust (the coaching staff) — but something still tastes wrong.
As the judges take a bite, they remember that the Broncos had to replace something; they had to substitute a crucial ingredient, Peyton Manning. Manning, the sugary sweetness that brought stability and leadership to the pie, is gone, replaced by a sugar substitute, saccharine and Sweet’n Low — A.K.A. Mark Sanchez and Trevor Siemian.
No matter how much ice cream or whipped topping they add to it, this pie is nowhere near blue-ribbon material.
Next, the quilt competition.
Oh, the Broncos have worked hard on this one. Parts and pieces of this Broncos quilt have been sewn together for a long time; Wade Phillips finally put the backing on, and this defensive blanket won the big prize. If it worked once, it will work again, right?
But wait, just as the judges look it over, you can see it: a HUGE HOLE, right in the middle of the quilt. Someone took out the middle! Someone took out the Malik Jackson and Danny Trevathan square!
But do not fret. Wade’s GOTSIS (too easy), and he has a plan to patch it in such a way no one will notice. Does it match exactly? No. Does it look the same? Kinda. Is this a blue ribbon winning defense? Only time will tell.
And finally, the prized cow.
The judges are ready. The crowd is chanting. And everyone is fixed on the gate with anticipation. The prized cow that Elway picked in the draft is about to be trotted out for the world to see, to judge, to cheer on. His name is Paxton Lynch.
But hold your horses, folks. The announcer comes over to the loud speaker: “Paxton can’t be in the competition this year. He just is not ready.”
The crowd murmurs and groans, and everyone heads home. Sure would be nice to see that prized cow … maybe next year.