So, you dozed off during the Broncos-Colts game on Sunday, eh?
You (and me) and everyone else.
The Broncos are so damn boring, how could you not? They’re like watching paint dry. Like reading an instruction manual. Like the color grey.
Like Joe Flacco.
Is it fair to criticize someone for being boring? Boring is better than bad, isn’t it? After Sunday, I’m not sure. After all, we’ve been told time and time again, “That’s just Joe.” It’s Joe’s cool that makes him an effective NFL quarterback. He’s even keel. He’s got a slow heartbeat. He’s unflappable.
Or, he’s 20-32 for 174 yards and no TDs. He’s 2-12 on third down conversions. He’s “leading” an offense that produces 15.6 points per game in the new, high-flying NFL. He’s 2-6 as the starter for your Denver Broncos, a team that boasts a very good defense but also a team that could put anyone to sleep on any given Sunday.
There’s a big difference between having a slow heartbeat and no heartbeat. When Joe Montana asked “Hey, isn’t that John Candy?” in the huddle of the Super Bowl, immediately prior to engineering a 92-yard, game-clinching touchdown drive, well, that’s cool.
When Joe Flacco does anything – gets sacked, throws a touchdown, hands the ball off, goes on the field, goes off the field – and shows the only expression we’ve ever seen, well, that’s … um … lukewarm?
Losing isn’t cool. And doing so, week after week, in the least passionate way possible, is even less cool.
If that early afternoon nap cost you the opportunity to see how Sunday’s game ultimately played out, here’s all you need to know: Colts quarterback Jacoby Brissett was cool. Joe Cool was not.
Statistically speaking, Brissett really wasn’t much better than Flacco on the day; Denver’s defense did a respectable job of keep the Colts in check all day long. But the game, and the two quarterbacks who played in it, were easily defined in the final 1:48.
After failing to get a first down that would have sealed the game, the Broncos punted, pinning the Colts to their own 10-yard line with just 1:48 on the clock. The Colts had no timeouts left. The Broncos held a 13-12 lead (if this all sounds new, it’s because you were asleep at this point).
On the Colts first play, Brissett dropped back into the endzone, only to find Von Miller wrapped around his waist. Not only did the quarterback somehow shake Miller, avoiding a sack and a safety, but he scrambled and found T.Y. Hiltondownfield for a 35-yard strike. There’s no need for a play-by-play from here – long story short, Brissett gained enough yards so that Adam Vinatieri could boot a 51-yard, go-ahead field goal.
With 22 seconds remaining, it was Flacco’s turn
Now, to be fair, 22 seconds isn’t a lot of time. A game winning drive would have been miraculous, no doubt. Then again, Denver needed about 40 yards to enter field goal range. A tall order, but doable nonetheless.
But what Flacco did with the opportunity was indicative of his play all season. On first down, Flacco sort of tried to elude the pass rush before a half-hearted, hit-as-he-threw, incomplete toss to Noah Fant in the flat. The play took five seconds.
On second down, the nail was driven squarely into the coffin. Flacco stepped up on the pocket, initially eluded the sack, but then “coolly” held the ball just long enough to get sacked and fumble. The clock ticked down. Broncos lose.
It’s not fair to suggest that Flacco could have, or should have, pulled off a miracle. It’s fair to ask any NFL quarterback for more than 13 points in a single game. It’s fair to say that those two final plays – especially in contrast to Brissett’s previous drive – said it all on Sunday, and says it all about Flacco.
The Colts QB did the kind of thing John Elway used to do. What Tim Tebow used to do. Heck, he did what Joe Flacco did to the Broncos the 2012 AFC Divisional Playoff Game.
The Broncos QB did what he’s been doing all season. Which, sadly, is not much.
Yawn.
Joe Flacco might have a big arm and a calm, cool demeaner. But doggonit, boring doesn’t it cut it in Denver. This is the furthest thing from “kicking and screaming” John Elway has seen since January of 2015.
Behind Joe Flacco, the Broncos are 2-6 and headed nowhere. What’s worse is they’re headed nowhere fast, nowhere slow, just sort of headed there. Ho. Hum. Not cool, Joe.