Before you read this, understand a few things: I am not a doctor. I am not a scientist. I am not a professional athlete who is paid to perform or who has been asked to perform within a bizarre new, potentially risky situation. My views do not necessarily represent the views of the company, Mile High Sports.

Please don’t sue me, as these are just opinions. If you’d still like to sue me, for whatever reason, please contact my attorney, Arnold T. Pants, Esquire.

Anywhoooo….

Is it just me, or are the NFL’s rules for its players returning to team facilities sillier than the Benny Hill Show?

Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for returning to play, returning to normalcy, returning to football. I also recognize, though, that there’s a new normal, one that’s largely predicated on the unknown (aka, COVID-19) and safety. I get that. I’d also like to think that I’m a “live and let live” type of person – something that’s good for one person may not be good for another, one person’s beliefs don’t need to be the same as another’s.

But truly, take me out of the equation for the moment. Actually, I’m trying to put myself in the shoes of an NFL player. While everyone wants to act as responsibly as is possible, if I’m that aforementioned professional football player, I’d have to call “BS” on some of the rules announced by Roger Goodell and the NFL Players Association yesterday.

Among the highlights: Players must wear masks when not engaged in physical activities; meetings will be held outside; social distancing applies to the locker room and shower areas (yes, that means 6-feet apart even when lockers aren’t necessarily set up that way); “tiers” of team employees have been established, primarily to determine who is essential (and when).

On the surface, all of that sounds fine and dandy. After all, it is 2020, and the ‘Rona is the only one truly making the rules.

On the flip side, when scratching the surface of, oh, I don’t know – common sense – these are laughable.

Let’s get this straight: You’re asking players – who have been hitting each other, sweating on each other, breathing on each other, and probably far worse, all in the heat of summer – to completely rethink how a locker room works or to sit outside in the summer heat, away from the air conditioning, for a film study?

People, in any profession, should do what’s right for themselves. But how can a person who’s being paid to “touch” others be asked to follow the rules of the game one minute, and then the rules of the “experts” the next.

One can’t sweat on someone for two straight hours and fully understand why it’s not okay to sit down next to that person in the same locker room after practice. No more post-practice card games. No more building camaraderie. If I’m a player, I’m asking two questions: First, if this is so dangerous, why are we being asked to come back and play? Or, second, if it’s not that dangerous, that’s great, but please don’t tell me that standing across the line of scrimmage, just inches away from an adversary isn’t ten-times more dangerous than a game of gin rummy in the lounge of the locker room.

My hunch is that these rules are in place for one reason and one reason only: Appearance.

The NFL is a leader, however you’d like to define it. What the league does and doesn’t say matters. So, if it comes out and says that COVID-19 is a figment of the imagination, there’s an inherent danger to taking that stance. It’s much easier, and better to be safe if and when possible. Better to “appear” concerned.

Give most camps two or three weeks and these will only be Fools’ Rules.