Just to be straight – the puppets were from Brazil not Mexico. I was told they were speaking Portugese not Spanish. They, along with about a dozen sub 10 year old reporters, tight t-shirt wearing reporters from foreign lands asking to do salsa dances with the players, the dude in the superhero costume from Nickelodeon (who is really getting WAY to old to do that job) and a wide assortment of other freaks jammed into a tiny basketball arena for Media Day. I’m told the Suns play at that location, but I believe that is the NBA and I don’t follow that until… well… uh…

Anyway.

Media Day is a mess. This is the low budget Super Bowl. Instead of busing the media to Glendale for Media Day in the actual stadium where the game is being played, we were stuffed like sardines into US Airways arena. The location was great, but it soon became apparent we were doing a reinactment of the a Who concert in Cincinnatti from the ’70’s. It was obscene and obnoxious how tight we were all squished together. Never mind the fact that you had to put up with questions about embarrassing moments as a kid, favorite video game, clothing preferences, hair gel (yes or no Tom Brady?) and a hundred other silly questions that have nothing to do with the game itself. The only saving grace is that we weren’t stuck on a boat straight out of porn movie from the 70’s like the Broncos were trapped on last year.

I always wonder who all these media people actually are. I wonder how they make a living. I wonder if I’m just as small and pathetic. Perhaps. I mean, this is just a football game. I think we all try to make it out to be more than it really is. We try and generate the same enthusiasm for this event year after year. If you’ve never been to a Super Bowl, I’m sure it’s exciting as hell. If you’ve been to 9 of them, you just flat out miss New Orleans. The only bad thing about the Big Easy is the stadium itself. However, the only thing that happens in that place is the game – so – you know – no big deal.

How did a TV station in Brazil afford to fly a camera guy, a producer, a sound guy and two puppeteers to Arizona? Are these puppets the equivalent to David Letterman of Sao Paulo. I’m gonna be honest, seeing the fat, sweaty dude actually manipulating the puppet, takes much away from the illusion the puppet is real. When I saw the dude dressed up as the Nickelodeon superhero eating a hero at a small sandwich shop named Potbelly, the sheen off the innocence of media day was somewhat crippled. I got to hand it to the guy, he kept his mask on inside the restaurant while he ate. He didn’t want to be revealed?

I of course should never complain about free food and drink, but I’m not sure why they bussed the media 40 minutes away to hang out in the parking lot. I suppose in the low budget Super Bowl, you just go to where crap is already set up. The Waste Disposal Open starts in a couple of days and they have a tent. So now, the Super Bowl has a tent. It was bizarre and under-filled. The media trudged back to their busses in a grumpier mood and slightly more cynical than when they entered. But, hey it wasn’t all bad. We got free flip flops and a water bottle!

When the NFL decided that they shouldn’t have lunch between the two media sessions, I realized something. The NFL is probably a bit sick of the NFL. Frankly, a year that started with the Ray Rice disaster and ended in Deflategate isn’t exactly a shining star to hang your hat on. It feels like we should all just get this year over and move on. Let’s get this Super Bowl out of the way and head somewhere interesting like San Francisco next year.

Marshawn Lynch told everybody he was just showing up so he wouldn’t get fined. Well, golly Marshawn, thanks so much! What a great guy! I mean can you imagine the horror of answering questions about yourself for an hour once a year? The tragedy! I actually don’t care if he talks or not. I had a blast goofing around with him last year, but honestly the joke is played out. These two teams are played out. We know everyting about the Patriots and the Seahawks. They’re both great. Their owners pour their heart and souls into the teams. The Pats QB may be the best leader in the history of the NFL and Pete Carroll is a genuinely nice guy. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

Most media folks I talk to are eager to do anything BUT cover these two teams. When’s my tee time should just be printed on a t-shirt for as much as its whispered in the corridors. Roger Goodell will speak at the end of the week and the only pertinent question is how the hell did you keep your job this year. The Strip Mall low budget Super Bowl is baking in the Arizona Sun.

Wish you were here.